i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
honey bunches of taint.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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