office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
