first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
