hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
