I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
