I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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