id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
