That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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