I bet he comes in French.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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