So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
