the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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