pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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