Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
