I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
