i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
