Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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