Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
