Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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