Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
