dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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