On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
4 words: hood of his car
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
