Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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