he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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