I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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