After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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