Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
