If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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