Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
