Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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