Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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