SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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