Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
