yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize