I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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