Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
