4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
