Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
we're so committed to being not committed
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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