It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
