i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
