he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize