I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I AM VODKA MAN
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
