just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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