i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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