I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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