But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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