She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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