first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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