oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
