They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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