He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
