then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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