He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
