I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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