Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
