Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
