That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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