I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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