Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
this is an emotional support booty call
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
