ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
