It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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