I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
