My room smells like vodka and shame
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
