If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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