Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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