Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Redeem this text for a blowjob
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
