I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
