Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm just crazy horny about you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
