I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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