I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
