So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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