I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
