Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
