Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
